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This is the end, my only friend, the end.
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Grant's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
8:20 pm
The Android That Found a Flower
Like a person, I'm still learning.

I've learned all I need to learn from LJ to know that what it can create is not for me.

I've learned that some people will never leave my life and I have to learn to live in harmony with them.

I've learned that people will respond to what you put out, no matter what, so I might as well not keep it alive after I find out some people are offended.

I've learned that someone is in some aspects, more in control of my life more than I am, and I cherish that person and do not want to sour relationships.

I've learned that living together is something that you are still learning day by day with new challenges, and what the outcome is depends on you.

I've learned that many people really despise me and with good cause, and I don't deserve to look like the fun-loving, caring and kind person/lover/accomplice/friend I used to be in their eyes.

I've learned that I still got a long ways to go in this world, and I might as well not make the paths I choose bumpy.



Like the android that found the flower, I'm learning more on what this world is about and has to offer.




I choose to not write in this LiveJournal anymore for the destruction I can help create.

Sayonara and good-bye and forgive all the bad tidings,

Grant Midstokke Poley
7:56 pm
your anger is wasted
And no matter what anyone does, RobertBrown is always in control.
Monday, January 31st, 2005
2:45 pm
Valentines?
My album recording is getting pushed back because Jake is tied up but it will be recorded real soon.

I'm not a huge advocator of Valentines Day but I got one, just like I had one last year. I gotta make something groovy.



Robert and Grant Want You...





...





...






...






...to be our third room mate!!!! 2 people are thinking about it, so why not beat the rush and beat them!!! Rent will be roughly around 300 or so, and the apartment is 3 bedroom with washer and dryer on the first floor and no neighbors above us. Whaddya say? Don't delay! Join us now!!
Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
11:13 am
I'm back home and Robert is too, and things are really terrible. I'm really depressed and I didn't even feel up for free frozen yogurt. Now I'm back with something I didn't miss, TV. Now I feel like a drone watching it and tuning everything out. Already I'm having withdrawls from the free life with Robert, and I can't wait til we're back out on our own again.

"There's a meat bone in my body. It's connected to the problems that I won't take for an answer and I won't take that from you because I'd hurt a fly."

I'm bored, I'm lonely, I feel suffocated here, and school is going alright, and damn, I feel out of place. Robert and I are friends type people, not family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I'm not a family person. Robert, Carson and I are going to be the eff-ups of the new world. Staggering artists living off our art, but unilke most people, we'll have the greatest sense of freedom to do whatever we want, and that's all I really want to do in life, the things I want to do.

Sprankton, fuck-ups in a new generation.

DNA?... need we say more?
Monday, January 24th, 2005
6:41 pm
I'll be gone someday, yes, I'll be gooonnnnneeeeee
Well I guess the day has come. Out on the streets it is with two men who are the vicitms of a classic witch hunt.

We may have a fighting chance, but winning doesn't seem likely. The court idea my dad pitched might work, but in case it doesn't, we're looking for a place to call home.
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
11:09 pm
I'm Back Baby!!!!

The photo project with Robert went wonderfully.  Behold his amazing photography.  Should I be an actor?

 Asleep on the bench because that's the only place a bum can call a bed.

 Working right from home!!!

 No one likes you when you're willing to work for a piece of compassion.

 At least that power box is my friend.

Tales of a Man Down On His Luck.

 

Days with Robert just don't get any better.  Well, maybe the park, but that was Robert and everyone else that is rad. 

1:48 am
These past 2 days I have been able to sleep at a decent hour and get a decent amount of sleep. I fell asleep listening to a mix Megan gave me, because that would be the last time I'd ever hear it, or have anything in posession that would remind me of her. Tara was witness to the funeral, and everything from our Prom photo, to the poem I wrote and gave her with a camera on the back of her side yard gate, to the checkers board she gave me for my birthday, and all the burnt CD's she gave me, including a personal favorite of mine: The Like Young. It all had to go, and as Conor Oberst said in a song: "A line allows progress, a circle does not." This is the first step to walking a line that won't lead into another circle.

The picnic was indescribable, although I felt kinda down when everyone turned my act of retrieving the frisbee out in the pond, because I loved it and it was the source of good exercise for all of us as of late, into a perversion because I had to take my soaking pants off. I kinda felt like no matter what kind of good, heartless deed I do, I'll always be made a cheap spectacle of by anyone. Cassie was right, everyone is pretty mean to me; as she admits, her especially. But you know what? I had FUN!!!!! I love being with those people, and I know those people only joke, and unlike a lot of people that were friends or girlfriends like Megan, they didn't eventually blur the lines between joke and sounding like they really meant it. A joke can only be funny for so long until you can't tell if it's a joke or not. These people, I know are all jokes, because everyone laughs, including me! :)

Tuesday I'll try out and hopefully make it into the Freakin' Deacons!! A mixture of butt rock and metal, and damn, you can really groove to it. The bass and kick drum and the kit as well, can make or break a song.

I'm recording my solo with Jake next week and it will be awesome!!! So far, projects working with Jake and projects I am in (X's indicate recording with Jake)

Grant Poley X
The Swindlers X
Sprankton X
The Freakin Deacons (we'll record eventually for sure, but it hasn't been talked about)
ROBOTICISM

I think I'll watch 12 Monkeys and then hit the hay! Night night!!!

Current Mood: good
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
9:21 am
I Hate Antonio Banderas The Snake!!!!
I've been trying to sleep for an hour, and after having that terrible dream of the flaming chair, a whole 2 weeks of insomnia, and the loss of my job and this apartment, I really think I've seriously gone crazy when I start to hear the sound of movement in my room and the sound reminiscent of faint whispers. Finally, I've been gripping my bed so tightly in fear that I lean over to my dresser and turn on my light to find a 6 - 7 foot Red Tail Boa Constrictor by the name of Antonio Banderas less than 2 feet from my face, right behind my dresser in the big crevace where all my filled plugs are. I think I changed my underwear that night after having Robert remove him.

And I also couldn't sleep after that and had to go to Psychology this morning, only to have my morning viewed the teacher and class in a structuralistic way, as created by the earliest psychologist, Wilhelm Wundt, where everything is in your unconcious and you recall things into your concious when stimulated. Example: What's your phone number? Unless you were thinking of your phone number slightly prior to during the time the question was finished, your number was in your unconcious and the question stimulated it to be recalled into your concious. Psychology is really, really fun. Today, we rated the top 11 famous psychologists on how ugly they were. Do yourself a favor and on Google image search, type in: B.F. Skinner.

I think that crazy dream I had was the result of sleep depravation, and it caused me to have a night time hallucination instead of a day time one. Well, I can't see myself getting any better after the Antonio Banderas Experience (BAZING!!!, that was for you Robert ;)).

I'm excited today for: reading Cacther in the Rye (with which I'm still not that impressed), my contemporary cinema class with the gay teacher, and hanging out with Eric Rayburn.

I feel the brink of madness, and I don't want to go insane. I think my family's history of severe clynical depression is starting to claim me, but I hope it isn't.

Current Mood: crazy, but not in a good way
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
3:14 am
Insomnia keeps me up at night
I haven't been able to sleep real well this past week or two. I'm a creature of the night.

All my classes are awesome!! My cinema teacher is homosexual, or at least comes off that way. He's so hilarious!!

Someone told me that if I was a god then we'd all be fucked. Well, then I guess sucks to be you guys then, because I'm the freaking Alpha and the goddamned Omega.

I saw a flaming chair arise into the open air and come towards me with a cloaked figure disappearing and reappearing over and over. I'd never had a night terror until that night. That is my nightmare.



My drum and bass jam project is now renamed to: ROBOTICISM!

Crap, the pirated version of Pro Tools won't work unless we have certain hardware. It might take a while to get an MP3 out soon in that case. The first song to be recorded is entitled "A New Sunrise."



Antonio Banderas seems complacent underneath our TV fixture. I wish I could rest all day in the darkness sometimes.



TOP 3 SHOWS TO GO TO IN FEBRUARY ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Rise Against with Tsunami Bomb and Alexisonfire on February 7th @ the Old Brickhouse.
2. Bright Eyes on February 10th @ the Marquee Theater.
3. The Polysics with the Necronauts and (God damn I hate this band) Peachcake on February 12th @ the Old Brickhouse.

And some awesome shows to see if they ever come:
1. The Blood Brothers (who are coming but the date isn't sure yet.)
2. 7 Seconds
3. The Muffs

I want to see MU330 again, but I don't want to pay $20 to see them with Streetlight Manifesto and a few other bands I've seen countless times.

Help Me, I Am In Hell!!!!!

Current Mood: drained
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
6:44 am
"Ring The Bell, School's Back In!" - (The One and Only) MC Hammer

I start school in approximate 44 minutes.  Woo!!!  I'm excited for Contemporary Cinema and Creative Writing.

I really wish I had some way of recording all my bass jams onto the computer and mixing them with some awesome drums beats, and then BAM, I'd have, as the media would describe it: 

post-indie hardcore electro-clash band project.  I'll call it...     Forbidden Dance.

 

Well, I've called her numerous times to do the deed, but I can never get a hold of her, so I think it's safe to say that Tiffany and I have parted ways.

I was such a god on my 19th birthday.  Don't mess wit me!!!  But if you do, I forgive you.



Current Mood: godly
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
3:23 am
There's Life After All

I knew it!!!  I mother fucking knew it!!!!!!  Damn government cover-ups!!!!  :)

Got laid off of work tonight, but at least I got a Blue Meanies and an RX Bandits shirt.

 

Call me, Alec Habberdash; rock-star extraodrinaire!!!!

Friday, January 14th, 2005
1:47 pm
Different Colors Made of Tears

Before

After

 

Any questions?

 

I can't help but stay up all night until the sun starts to rise.  There is so much creativity in me flowing in the hours where I should be sleeping.  I feel a little crashed, and now it's time for work. 

P.S. - The definition of my name is 100% accurate, and is the meaning of life.



Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
5:10 am
Definition please?
Big Spender practice kinda blew nuts. Mostly because I lost my ska groove, but then again, it was practice with just the guitarists. I'm looking forward to finding a new bass player real soon. I wanna get Sprankton on it's feet. We have 10 originals already.

How do you define perseverance? Staying up all night watching South Park episodes until you have to go to work at 6 in the morning, and today's work involves driving cross town at least twice in one day. I am a bad ass, and I ate a steak for breakfast yesterday morning. In one world I am a living legend and in another world my penis is as big as a damned redwood tree for my recent doings. But in my world, I just kick ass!

I was raised by a cup of coffee and I stand by that!

Just another week and I should be grizzly enough for Robert's photo.
Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
3:09 pm
Relieved
We only have one more chance now, but we have to move apartments in order to get that chance.

I saw you today, and you don't know how great it felt to see your face again. I'm happy for you and I hope the best for you.

I practice tonight with the ska band Big Spender. I think things will turn out groovy.





I was writing a poem/song but I just got writers block. Oh fiddlesticks!
Monday, January 10th, 2005
12:25 pm
Not Stolen From Cassie?
10 Favorite Artists in No Apparent Order

1. Green Day
2. Placebo
3. The Blue Meanies
4. Nine Inch Nails
5. The Mr. T Experience
6. Fu Manchu
7. The Queers
8. Frank Zappa
9. Pet Shop Boys
10. Mephiskapheles

10 Awesome Artists That Deserve Propz

1. Adolescents
2. Agent Orange
3. Rise Against
4. The Adicts
5. Joy Division
6. Radiohead
7. Pink Floyd
8. Wesley Willis (RIP you corageous soul)
9. Against Me!
10. Blood Brothers

I guess you could say that the next 10 were bands I listen to a lot in my car or on my computer but they could never take the place of my top 10, except, damn, I love the Adolescents.



...And now we are Sprankton.
Friday, January 7th, 2005
10:43 pm
Paranoid Android
Oh boy, Radiohead takes me back to the days when I was 11 or 12 and their album "OK Computer" had just been released with Paranoid Android as a single, and it was all over MTV with it's awesome video. Grandma's house was my MTV central and damn, that video and song kicked ass!!!

How did I know my plan had worked? I tried and experiment and the results came back positive. Boo Yeah!!!!

Our show got cancelled because Kelly's car is in the shop, wah wah waaaaahhhhhh.



No biggy, we'll have our farewell show after the record is recorded, for more than half the original price then we had set at the other studio. Jake Ficker is re-opening his studio and record label, and BAM, 3 records to record in the future. And they are...

The Swindlers - "...Are Dead" LP
Grant Poley - "One Night Standards" LP
Soon to be named "nerd rock" band - a demo or EP or maybe even LP


*note* Yes, I know the term "nerd rock" was bashed by me in the last post, but since you guys have already heard about the band as being mentioned a "nerd rock" band, I figure that people will know which band I speak of when I say "nerd rock" band.


Gonna be in a Murder City Devils cover band, woo!!!!

Current Mood: artistic
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
1:55 am
Laughing at a dog named Brisco
Party over at Erik's place... or the one he was house sitting.

Brisco the dog got his shit ruined by all three of us. God damn, that house is huge, and there's a giant face that looks at the bed in the master bedroom. Creepy.

I have strep throat. Wah wah waaaahhhhh. At least I got to call in sick. And I know what you're saying. Grant, if you're sick then why are you hanging out with all your friends? Hey, their risk, not mine.

The Swindlers are kinda dead, which is why January 8th @ the Zia Records in Chandler is our last show. Be there... please?

Anyways, now a new band is in the works with me on guitar and vox, Robert on lead vox and eventually keyboards, and Carson on drums. We are looking for a bass player and probably a keyboard player, and we already have about 4 to 5 songs written. Must be into the pseudo-genre "nerd rock." Think Weezer and Nerf Herder and anyone with the Buddy Holly "conservative" image. "Nerd rock" displays the image more than music. The music boils down to alternative. I somewhat curse the day the media coined the term "emo." Weezer was alternative rock when they first started, and that's what they will always be, damnit!!!!!

Current Mood: weird
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
12:44 am
Happy New Year!!!
Had someone to kiss on the New Year for once!

Damn work!! I close then open, poo!!

Nothing like good ol' Mr. T Experience to start the new year!!




Thanks to Cassie and Tara for the awesome scavenger hunt to find "her pleasure" condoms. Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I didn't use them. I'm not saying we were unprotected, I'm saying we didn't do it. You dirty kids!!

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
9:25 pm
Hooray for Cameras
Photos and eyeliner rule!!!

Placebo was made for large group make outs in cars.

It's great to be back: around the fire, in the long improv jams, with an incredible someone, with amazing friends, near and far, that destroy stuff and do whatever the wind tells them to do, and feeling good on my own and with my family.







I'm so happy!!!!! I haven't been this happy in a long time.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Monday, December 27th, 2004
10:51 pm
Bruise Pristine
Dear Megan,

"You're probably wondering why I called you here / I think the time has come to make it clear / my heart can't make our love bloom and grow / while you're kickin' it to and fro." - The Mr. T Experience.

You say that I'll never have you back and that you keep pushing you away by the things I do with others. You say it like I still had a chance to be back with you. If you really wanted to be back, you'd be here now. I can't bring please your life and do everything for you anymore, so don't be pissed with what I do with others, because I'm not out to please you anymore, and also remember...

You left me; you set me free back in July. You are the one who sent me back out into a wicked world only to become consumed by it. It is my fault for a lot of things that have happened, yes it's true, but I'm not the one complaining about what's happening now and being pissed about who's with who. If any, I should still be pissed and bitter about you being with my brother. Be happy with robert, and if you're not, come back and be happy with me, but I know that'll never happen, because you couldn't return to me if you wanted to, so I faced facts and found someone who won't leave me guessing in the final hour.

I said I'd wait for you forever. Why should I? You're with Robert, that invalidates everything. I shouldn't have to wait if you've found someone already. I still love you truly, deep deep down, but reality wins this round, and love is something that doesn't compute with me anymore. Maybe it will again someday, but that day better have a real good reason for me to ever speak those fateful three words again.

You'll always have a place in me and I'll never forget you and you are the one I hold dear, but for now, I'm going to have fun and experience life as it comes to me; play with the cards life has dealed. Tiffany and I are dating, and it feels wonderful; just how you must feel when you're in Robert's arms. For now, let us both forget about each other in our lives, but remember the spot deep within our hearts that we hold to the other and the beauty it created. Who knows what the future holds. Maybe if we meet again down the road, we'll all be bandaged up by then and we can look at each other and smile and forget about the woes of the past and realize the now of the person who used to make the other happiest.

Who knows what the future brings, but as for the present, this is good-bye.


Your black and white past,
Grant Poley



Thank the maker for friends like Carson and Cassie and Austin and Tara. May we rock and destroy all in our paths; I love you all so much!!! Thank the maker for Tiffany, and returning to the fun party life I left behind. I miss you all, and Tiffany is the greatest!

Curse the maker for Target and it's ability to fuck the butts of all employees, including me, so easily once the holidays are over.



New slef bought gifts from gift money = "Once More With Feeling: Best of Placebo 1996-2004" DVD, "Meet the Parents" DVD, and "S/T" Placebo CD. I love Placebo soooo much!!!

Current Mood: exhausted
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